Death and Politicians have there way....20

Death and Politicians have there way....

Chapter 20 the big dos equis. If you have gotten this far. You have a problem. I know it's seems to be a wonderful fantasy being bipolar. But it isn't...the Mars Cowboy thing never happened. I only glimpses in the hospital. The bad news is we are still in the hospital. John awakes to find the love of his next life still asleep. Sleeping in the empty in bunk next to him. John has no room mate. I and he likes it like that...no room mate means no interruptions to the the next phase of bipolar madness. Death.

 The next obsession is death. In all it's forms. The death obsession begins with the death of all my other personas. The death of the personas means I am taking my meds. Or I mean John is taking his meds. The anonymity of the writer is being exposed here piece by piece. The persona of Thanos which came on fully formed did not manifest until the street battle with the neighbors and the cops. Thanos was up to the task, that's for sure. The task of making the grade and making a success of one self is the task of a uneventful life.

 The drive of human men is to take home the bacon. The meat and bring it home to the family. Kill the meat. The obsession of death is not just me. Or John but all of us who tried being a vegetarian. The limits exists in eating only life. Death is built into our core. Or at least my core. John lives at work. Aerospace is the obsession of defying gravity and wind and rain and make it to the place on time, with no one being dead. At the end of the glorious trip.

The same is being bipolar as being in aerospace. Both are the toughest things to overcome or with and the greatest delusion of success. You can make a lot at aerospace. Money that is....but time is all gone. 12 hour days are the usual. The come and never go away. The life of being bipolar on the other hand is 24 hours a day 7 days a week. 3 sixty five. It never takes a break. Drinking won't cure it and smoking puts it at bay for a while but de finely. Exercise only increases it. Being more healthy creates a boom of bipolar. Losing weight can trigger an episode of grandeur just as well. There is a weirdness to being healthy if you are not depressed then you are happy and thus in mania. If you are bipolar. Lots of success people are most like undiagnosed bipolar. Or mono poles. They never get depressed and they believe that is because of the their life choices. It isn't. Money helps no doubt. But money is no cure for a scary person trying to hold it together on a razor's thin march to oblivion. Death is the montage and it will always beat a drum for me.

If you are unfamiliar with death. Then i believe you are lying. Death is all around us. Like cementaries we drive by all the time on our way to work. Death for some becomes a motivator. While others believe it's a liberator. A liberator from being successful in this life. Wait for death and see the judgement. I have made it because I found a god to serve me. I worship because I was the gods to serve me. And not in this life. This is what most are doing. The waiting for death is just as bad as trying to stop to the great sword from swinging my way.

 Death is John's world. Most assuredly and it's the most fun. Yes, it is. The stakes must be hi to see a good narrative take flight. The story must have skin in the game to be a successful story to live and read by. The stakes are what make some things grand and other things no so, grand. The stakes of death is no higher calling. The responsible party is what I would call a sober reality that only one thing can handle, bipolar. The powers of bipolar can handle anything. And for a long time. A very long time. I have done it for 2 years once. Before I finally broke.

 In the end it was not my persona. I should be an actor since the high stakes of drama always attracts me to a grand calling. That is why some with bipolar go into the military or religion....the quest is for the young and lots of young people have it....bipolar that is. One day this book will be read on a local radio show called..."the little ticket" it is supposed to be sports but they celebrate death on the show. Over and over. They some times know it and other times they themselves forget.

 The book of John was read every morning in the context of death and holding it at bay. The stakes of holding death by the throat and squeezing is the greatest feat and man can do. This is what and why the "active shooters" are all doing screaming for help and excitement and then finally realizing this is all a folly. They probably while doing it all realize the grand mistake of it of all during the "crime." That is why most also take their own lives. It is what they all seem to do. Write an expose of themselves and then take it out on all of us. This is what happens when you take the glorious vehicle and drive, baby drive. The death machine in all our car ports and garages and drive ways the grandest of death machines.

 30k every year just like alcohol and smoking 30k...Donuts, alcohol and smoking while driving your man machine through the streets of some dusky town seems to be the calling for most. Travel with no place to go. Travel against death and find a new life. This is what happens if you don't end up dead. The most that enter their vehicles the day they die in said vehicle did not think they were going to meet their maker. Meeting a maker is funny. Because getting close to death in a plane or in a vehicle is the grandest of different emotions no one can fully fathom unless you are the lone survivor.

The lone lonely survivor of any trade and play on a grand stage show called life. Life is already hard. Why not, bipolar life. Twice as hard and with no reward at the end of your life. Like meeting your maker. The bipolar have to gods that's why they can "talk" to the gods. And they talk back. Yes the gods talk and the headset of life in the bipolar is talking to no one but your self over and over. The meds cure that too.

They grand death of all of my "friends" my other persona that talk back and have great conversations on solving life's problems. Or seeing what a black really does to your reality. It is not spaghetti. Gravity is not that powerful to make black holes. What makes them is pure geometry and nothing else. The equations on defeating death lie in the event horizon of black holes. The holes in your soul and the blackness of your choices. The rest is just your imagination. On a grand scale.

All for you to see. It's amazing to be bipolar and it's truly amazing to conquer death. But one is telling you a lie. And conquering death is not our job, living life is...and that's why John reads the Book of John every morning. It breathes death over life up to verse sixteen. The all of the story changes. Sixteen is when life begins and your being to enter adult hood.

 The same with all thing sixteen and live for year in our minds eyes. We look great when we are younger and sixteen is no different. Unless your a late bloomer. Bipolar and sixteen is amazing. And John Once Kincade knows that too. "In the beginning....Christmas."

Gulp, glup down went the Seroquel XR. And down went the dream of Mars. Mars in Utah. Utah or bust. For now it was just bust. Busted in the Space Rift. All alone in a room seeing the stars.